When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize