I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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