i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Farmville is her only friend.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
