have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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