Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
