Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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