I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
