he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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