I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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