The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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