just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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