if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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