$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
