I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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