shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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