you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
