I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
