He is an equal opportunity slut.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think a kid would responsible me up
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
