hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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