do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's shark week go big or go home
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
