I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
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Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize