i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
