You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
