God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
