Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
