Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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