I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
