brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Randomize
