Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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