actually, I'm a sock model
I'm going to jail i love you
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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