Whoa Z and x make the same sound
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
