i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize