Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
