You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
