woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
