He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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