You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
