There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
