Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
