I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
