is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you inspire me to be a worse person
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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