So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
