Swine flu. Run for my life!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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