I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
