I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
