Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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