I think im going to throw up on grandma
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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