I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
