dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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