When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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