Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
