Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She's like a pop up book from hell.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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