So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
