i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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