i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
