Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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