...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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