areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
