Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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