im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
