Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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