i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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