my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
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