I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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