Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
They are going to name an STD after you.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
