he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
